I have a confession to make. So far I’ve let you all believe that the writing on this blog (and on The Book, though you have not yet had the delight of sampling that particular bit of wordsmithery) is all mine, when it fact, very little of it comes from me.
You see, everything I write is meticulously torn apart edited by Blue Cat (look at those stern eyes, that disapproving stares as he picks out all my instances of weak writing):Once he has made clear what he wants to change, he is promptly shoved out of the way by Green Cat (who is by far the fatter of the two and therefore the winner of every tussle for Lap Domination). Green Cat then sits on my lap and gives me this “get to work, bitch” look, which continues until I have made all of Blue Cat’s changes and have reached my word count for the day (or until my legs have gone numb from lack of circulation, in which case it’s time for a writing break). Blue Cat, meanwhile, is still hard at work, inspecting the wastebasket for any adverb laden writing I might have tried to hide in there. He does this most days – he is nothing if not thorough, and I am nothing if not grateful when I’ve remembered to empty it before he’s had a chance to investigate. Because adverbs are not what you want strewn across your living room floor – even less so if they’ve been shredded by feline claws. After all the writing is done, Green Cat and I have a quick meeting to discuss Important Writerly Things. He reviews my progress so far and gives me my goals for the following day. This is how he likes to exude authority as CEO (Chief Eating Officer) although I’m not sure he realises that this sitting position does nothing to hide his gut.When his work is done, Blue Cat likes to unwind by hanging out in whatever bag/box/basket he can find. Of late the washing basket and The Husband’s golf bag are favourites (actually the golf bag looks kind of fun to hang out in, doesn’t it?). Anyway, I felt I had to come clean – it didn’t feel right having you all think that I write this blog on my own. The guilt of my deception was eating at me (and the cats were getting shitty from the lack of recognition for all their hard work – which is fair enough).
Blue Cat, by the way, may consider contracting work in exchange for treats. If you’ve ever had any issues with your writing, I’d really recommend him as an editor, he’s done so much for me in just over a year.
Green Cat, on the other hand, only deals with people whose lap he is already familiar with. He’s fussy like that. If he changes his mind, I’ll let you know. There is nothing quite like feeling your legs grow cold and numb from the lack of blood flow to make you work faster.
Happy Friday everyone!
I’m glad you came clean. I can just imagine the weight that’s come off your shoulder’s. In the end Blue Cat and Green Cat keep you in check which is great. (n_n)b It also helps that hey are adorable.
LikeLike
*they
LikeLike
Haha yes, I feel better already 😉
LikeLike
*laughs* And here I thought my two furballs were the only ones giving their opinions all the time.
LikeLike
It is funny how much they like to get involved isn’t it. Like they get FOMO or something 😉
LikeLike
I wish I had my own feline editors. I may have to consider contracting Blue Cat since he may be willing. Unless he’ll leave cat hair on me. Hubs is very allergic. That could get ugly…
Cute post!
LikeLike
Ah – we are entering prime shedding season, when all the furniture gets delightfully reupholstered with cat hair. Now doesn’t that sound like a whole lot of fun to clean up?!
I reckon you could train a dog to hunt for adverbs, though that’s not much an improvement on the hair situation….
LikeLike
Hilarious! Yes, Green Cat might consider a pilates program to tighten up that tummy!
I watched Princess Bride yesterday and LOVED it. Mandy Patinkin is one of my favs and I would never have imagined he could play the Spaniard. “prepare to die.” As you say every scene, every line, every tickle of the funny bone, and true love and happy endings. Now I get to watch it all over again with the grandkids!
LikeLike
Oh yes, Green Cat could do with some sort of cat gym membership. He’s so fat and any attempt to reduce his food intake is foiled because he eats Blue Cat’s portion, the cheeky thing.
I’m SO glad you liked Princess Bride – always glad to meet someone else to throw random Princess Bride quotes at. “Inconceivable!”
LikeLike
I could loan my ‘time’s up’ kitty. He would jump on my papers when he thought I’d worked too long. Maybe bluecat and greencat will pick up new tricks to keep you balanced between writing and play — and feeding them! Thanks for the chuckle this morning.
LikeLike
I like the fact that cats clearly specialise in different parts of the writing process – yours is obviously more in the work/play balance department. We should trade as and when needed! 😉
And glad you enjoyed the post, thanks for stopping by!
LikeLike
LOL this is great. I’m jealous of your feline editor! 😀
LikeLike
And you should be 😉 Now you know why I love editing!
LikeLike
This made me grin so much 😀
LikeLike
Haha, glad to hear it! 🙂
LikeLike
I giggled at this post. My feline companion likes to sit on my laptop when I am ignoring her too much! Maybe I could teach her to catch any stray adverbs while she’s there.
LikeLike
Cats do have a knack for picking out the one place they shouldn’t sit on, don’t they?
To be fair I’m not sure how much of Green Cat’s staring can be attributed to pushing me to work – there’s a big dose of “pay attention to me and pet me now” thrown in there too.
LikeLike
The other day my assistant (also a feline) submitted a post before I was done. He also gave me a head massage as I was finishing up the post. Aren’t we so fortunate?!?
LikeLike
What!? Man you have your feline assistant far better trained than mine! I’d love it if I could balance one of my cats on my head a la Blogesse, but alas, both I and my cats are lacking in this department.
LikeLike
Hahaha! No training… all self-taught.
LikeLike
So much fun! Chief Eating Officer – ha! Makes me want to get a cat to help me with my adverbs. Thanks for the laughs. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh, you should – they are ever so efficient! And far more cuddly than a regular editor 😉
LikeLike
Very cute! Nice that the kitties have their own special jobs 🙂
LikeLike
They do, and they take it very seriously 😉 By the way I love the shoes in your profile photo!!
LikeLike
Merci! I love them too, even if they aren’t “practical.” 🙂
LikeLike
Pingback: Introducing the newest member of the editing team | Celine Jeanjean's Blog
Ha! I wish my cats were more helpful in the writing process. As of now, all Olive does is dim my monitor and then walk away without giving any instructions on how fix it. My other two just sleep on the couch.
LikeLike
Yeah I got quite lucky with those two, they get pretty involved. Like right now my right leg is growing numb from the lack of blood flow because Green Cat is gotten fatter and still insists on sitting on my lap when I write 😉
LikeLike
Mine do that too, and then look at me give me this look like how dare I bump my arm against their ear while I type 🙂
LikeLike
Haha yeah, or when I get into the grove, they suddenly decide to headbutt you repeatedly for attention. Always when the writing flows well 😉
LikeLike